Thank God we passed that assault weapons bill in time for the holidays. It's hard enough to shoot one deer, let alone eight and that fat liberal, Santa. Hopefully we’ll get that concealed weapon amendment through so we don’t have to lug these heavy rifles around come Easter and St Patty’s day.
Glad we were able to put a stop to this foolish myth in time. Christmas is about consumer spending... er and Jesus Christ... Our Lord and Savior... Defender of our troops- watching over our fair and balanced-and just war, against terror -wherever we may take it. Thankfully someone brought an end to this silly ritual. This fat guy in red, telling us who's been naughty and nice... When we all know that's Donald Rumsfeld's job! Ah yes, now we can safely run out and charge our hard-earned money knowing our future is safe because social security is being transformed to allow us to take a "stake" in our future... and we all know how good we Americans are at saving and investing.
Thank God the gifts we are told we need to purchase to show we really love our family and friends- are made by multi-national corporations who are able to bring us such affordable prices- Helping us to spend even more- and thereby benefitting all those fabulous workers at home and abroad who've labored long and hard-and taken so little... that our christmas tree might show a great bounty beneath it... helping to ease any uncertainty and doubt about our leadership.
And thank God with the death of this Santa fellow, those poor small people in the north pole, can now be free from Santa's tyranny and unjust labor sanctions- We can now take the North Pole off our terrorist-threat nation status- allowing us to focus on Iran, North Korea and Pakistan.
And thank you Congress for clearing the anti-monopoly laws away for Wal-Mart to acquire the entire North Pole toy factory-making them the largest toy distributer in the world... and insuring fair and just treatment of the little elf people.
-- At least until their jobs can be exported to the Chinese Wal-Mart Division... Giving us even better prices next Christmas!
And not to fear, the fat man’s sleigh will no longer terrorize rooftops and radar screens. Your nation’s leaders will carry presents along with it’s suspects and citizens who are extraordiniarily-renditioned to and from far away lands.
Those large cargo planes will now have their flight logs altered to say carrying “presents”... Because to those “good” jailers in Egypt, Morrocco, Jordan, Romania, Poland and Yugoslavia... the terror suspects are actually “gifts” from America’s CIA.... thereby allowing our leaders to continue to “not lie” when asked by journalists about transporting prisoners... they’re “gifts”!
(special thanks to Karl Rove for coming up with that spin!)
God Bless Us - One in Oil ...er One and All!
With Santa gone,
Its up to us. Dare-
to be different.
ReThink the season.
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