Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Invade for Oil?—Invade for BEER!

Speaking of Brewers.... I'm kinda fond of German Beer. This administration, by their actions, is justifying a policy of "If you see something you want... just take it."

So I'm all for invading Germany and overthrowing that beer-hording nation's supply of Weiss Beer. There is overwhelming evidence of a growing danger that more Weiss beer may be going to satisfy their own people than we, the deserving American Consumers are being allocated. There are several internal sources who feel there reason to launch a preemptive strike on their population centers to vanquish their weiss-leeching loyalist insurgency . We must take the campaign through the population centers on into the forests and hillsides to rout out the covert storage tanks hidden in rathskellers through out the countryside.

Special agents embedded in beer gardens throughout Germany have given undeniable evidence of stockpiles of WMDs (Weisses of Mass Drunkification). Our Administration has been working round the clock to garner world support. Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Fleisher and Coldi Rice have been sponsoring 'Toga Parties' and Beer Bashes around the globe in hopes of gaining allies in their efforts to crush the German threat of Weiss Hoarding.

The President has appointed ANHEUSER-BUSCH to head up of the bureau of stockpile management for Weiss beer. Their expertise in rice-beer production makes them a cinch for understanding the complex carbonation and refridgeration requirements necessary for the safe transferrence of the stockpiles to our shores. Additionally the President liked the fact that his name is the same as the contractor. Once the threat level dimnishes there will be a fair assessment of other companies capable of handling the job.

An A-B spokesperson said they hope to not only liberate the Weiss stockpiles, but also successfully procure substancial volumes of ales, lagers, stouts, and pilsners. By helping the german people raise their production quotas for America to
6 million barrels per day, we feel the infrastructure will be sufficient to support the yield.

Opponents to the Bush Weiss offensive elude to the fact that once beer is liberated, there is a danger that other commodities to become targets of the Bush Machine. The French are worried about baguettes, wine and cheese; Belgians, their Chocolates; Portuguese, their Port.

The Bush Administration is actively seeking 'contractors' to help consume vast commodities of Weiss beer both in Germany and domestically. Applicants may submit a one-time fee of $75 US to the RNC to receive details of how to participate in the Drunkification. "We must take the Battle to the Enemy" said President Bush of the need for the nation to take to the streets- visit the pubs, and drink the beer... we need to show support for our National Effort.

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